Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize