I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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