im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
