Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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