Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
