i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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