I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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