Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
