so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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