I'm so fucking centered right now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
