My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
