This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
