he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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