Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
