Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
only if we run a train.
done.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
