I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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