DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
