So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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