I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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