Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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