is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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