the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
