She is in my trunk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
