so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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