Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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