Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
