If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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