Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
