why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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