i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
