threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
