I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
