You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
