mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
