I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
