If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
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i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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