Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
