wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Randomize
