so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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