wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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