We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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