I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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