I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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