I'm gonna have a badass scar
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she peed on how many people?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
