I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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