quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
