Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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