Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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