They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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