You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
should my penis look like a turkey
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
