There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
