We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Let's paint friendship bongs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
