umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
