It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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