It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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