super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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