what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
