you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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