The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
