he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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