I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
