tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
