dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
