every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
