I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
