waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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