im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
