At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
