So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
